Monday, 3 December 2012

Doctor Rage

When you're too busy, falling sick is an appealing idea. 

A day in bed?

Yes please...

But then you actually get sick and it HURTS and it's incredibly BORING.

This happened last week. 


I suffered through work for 2 days, spread my germs around and then on day 3, collapsed in bed.

I had flu. 

(Actual flu, not just a cold.)

To top off a sucky day, I had to go see the doctor.

I just needed an MC. 

Flu doesn't require drugs, it just needs time. 

But I knew he was gonna sell me drugs. 

This really annoys me.

Me: I'm going to request no antibiotics. 

Friend: Why?

Me: Because they're expensive and they're not necessary. 

Friend: Why?

Me: Because I have flu. And flu is a virus. And antibiotics are for bacterial infections. 

Friend: No, flu isn't always a virus…

Me: Yes it is…

Friend: No, it can be anything.

Me: What?…it's a virus. 

We argued about this for a while and finally agreed that it's not good to take unnecessary antibiotics. 

The usual clinic was closed.

Which made me happy as I don't like that doctor. 

So we went to another and waited 30 minutes. 

Then I went into the consultation room….


Hot doctor!


Here's another thing that really annoys me. 

When you're genuinely sick, you're too sick to get up and see the doctor. 

So you go later, when you're a bit better. 

But by then, you don't seem sick anymore and the doctor thinks your lying to get an MC.


So you have to make a special effort to look sick, even though you're improving. 

My inner monologue was a bit like this: Hot doctor! Oh wait, I'm sick. And deliberately unattractive. Sigh. Give up.

Hot doctor turned out to be a good doctor. 

And I trusted him to prescribe appropriate drugs. 

I left the room.

Friend: So did you ask for no antibiotics?

Me: Um…no. 

Friend: Why?

Me: I was distracted. I didn't ask any questions…


Then the nurse revealed my supplies:
Cough syrup
Drugs for "Pain"
Drugs for "Fever"
Antibiotics for God-only-knows-what.



Betrayed by Hot Doctor!

I marched back into the consulting room. 

Me: Excuse me, hot doctor! Why have you prescribed me all this CRAP?? You know I don't need any of this, right??? Do you know that? You can gave me MC for ONE day and FOURTY BUCKS worth of drugs?? HOW CAN YOU CALL YOURSELF A DOCTORRR!!!!!

...Nah, I didn't really do that. 

But next time I will.

Because I have a great deal of disappointment and rage towards Hot Doctor for selling out like that.

I only took the cough syrup. 

And I got better by myself, in a few days. 


Thursday, 22 November 2012

Make Up and Homelessness

I went to a Deepavali open house last week. 

Usually I'm quite lazy when it comes to make-up. 

But I was going with my friend who is QUEEN of make up. 

So figured I'd make an effort. 

I put on extra thick eyeliner. 

But it's just a simple open house, so no need for all the other drama-drama make-up. 


Arrived at my friends house & lay in bed while she got ready (it was far too early to be awake on a public holiday…). 

Friend: So…are you gonna wear make-up?

Me: I am wearing make up.

She turned and squinted at me. 


Friend: Come on la, eyeliner is not make up!!

Well…I…oh. Ok. 


A week before that I was at a wedding. 

2 days before the event I suddenly realised I was alone.

: /

Me: Hey - do you have a date?? Can I be your date??

Friend: I do have a date - but it's ok, I'll make him the third wheel for you!


Ok, I accept.


And ooh, who is your date, we have not talked for too long?!

I asked her this question two days later when aforementioned guy disappeared to get drinks for us. 

Friend: [dreamily] Aw…

Me: So. How did you meet??

Friend: Volunteering at the soup kitchen. 

Me: :O
*collapses face down on the table. 

Friend: …I know, right?

Good looking AND cares about homeless people? Sigh…



New plan of action. 

Make up. 

And the soup kitchen. 

...Even as I write that, I realise this plan could go horribly wrong.

But I'm going to ignore that possibility for now.


Friday, 16 November 2012

A Grand Saga

My friend has deserted me for Canada this month. 

I drove her to the airport. 

But of course, an airport drive is rarely without event. 

Especially when you check-in online.

(Never a good idea in my opinion.)

I arrived at her place at 5pm, with another friend. 

She'd just got in the shower. 


5:30pm - another friend arrived. 

5:45pm - bags in the car.

And finally, close to 6pm, we were on our way. 

Bearing in mind, baggage check-in closes at 7:25pm and boarding starts at 7:50pm.

And we live 1 hour from the airport. 

: /

Now my friend now announces that she has to go and pick up important documents for her thesis, from the nephew of her lecturer. 


But it's ok, it's just near her house.

Friend: Hi, are you there already? You don't know? What can you see? 

It quickly transpired that this boy didn't know our town at all and was on the other side of it.


Friend: Ok, you drive towards us, we'll drive towards you and meet in the middle, ok?

10 minutes later. 

Friend: Ok, where are you now? A big Maybank?

Other friend: *shrugs*

Friend: Some more? ...Beach cafe?

Other friend: What? Beach cafe?! That's where he was meant to be the first time - that's back near your house!

Friend: Whaaaat?

Me: @.@

A tense moment.

I u-turned and we headed back across town. 

10 more minutes.

Friend: What car are you driving? Saga? Ok bye.

Other friend: Number?

Me: Colour?

Friend: Oh…this boy… :s

Too distracted. 

We DASH through the traffic to finally meet him at a petrol station.

Other Friend 2: There! Saga!

New, shiny, red Saga.

Other friend: I wonder what he looks like…

Friend: Ok, drive really close so Other Friend 2 can just take the papers and throw this through the window.

(She'd brought him a token chocolate bar).

I cruised up, stopping right next to the car. 


The next part was in SLO-MO…

Other friend 2 drops her finger to the "open window" button. 

We turn to peer into the car.

He's facing the other way.

But something's wrong…

…he looks older and fatter than he sounded…


...there's someone else in the car with him…

…wearing tudung?

The man turns…


We all scream!

Other Friend 2 PULLS her hand dramatically away from the window.

Other Friend 2: OH MY GOODNESSSS! Look what you almost made me dooo!!

Friend: Oh nooooo, where is he?!

Other Friend: There! Old saga!

Sure enough, other side of the car is an old, silver saga. 

[old saga]

Out jumps a small boy.  


Documents & chocolate exchanged. 

Rally driving to the airport. 

Miraculously, we made it. 


Friday, 9 November 2012

Polite English-Ness

Driving home and stuck in a small traffic jam.

Suddenly I felt the unfortunately familiar; 


of a collision. 


Although this time it wasn't my fault. 

Someone hit the back of my car.

My instant reaction was weariness at the though of having to deal with fixing it. 

And then I wasn't really sure what to do. 

I was on the highway, I didn't wanna get car-jacked…


…but then…

I probably should go assess the damage.

The guy also got out of his car to see. 

Guy: Sorry, ah.

I reached the back and took a look. 

Guy: Ok, ah?


It was ok. 

Not even a scratch. 

Me: Ya it's fine. Ok. Nothing there.

Guy: Ok, so sorry ah, sorry. 

Me: Ok. 

I turn to get back into my car. 

Guy: Ah…where you from?


This is not the time??

You just hit my car! And now the traffic ahead is moving! We are not making friends here?!

But, in moments of disbelief, Mat Salleh Keliru cannot override English politeness.

And before I could stop myself, with a 100% blur face as I ran back to my door,

Me: England.


Monday, 29 October 2012

No Milk Tea No Faze Mega-Fans

I still enjoy a good bubble tea. 

Or, as the hipsters now refer: pearl milk tea. 

On a recent visit to a well known PMT stand…

Me: Um…Strawberry Pudding Milk Tea.

Guy: Uh, no milk tea. 

Me: O.o?

Friend: O.o?

Guy: No pearl oso.

Me: Wha-? Everything here is milk tea..? Or pearls. Then what can we have?

Guy: Grass jelly roasted milk tea. 

He points to the picture behind him. 

Wait - what? 

You don't have milk tea but…I can have milk tea..?

I don't get it.

Guy: Roasted milk tea, can have.

Friend: Isn't that the same thing?

Guy: No, different. You can have roasted and add topping. But not pearls.

Me: Oh? Okayyy…so I can have the pudding?

Guy: Ya!

Me: Then I'll just have that. 

Guy: O.o?

Me: Roasted strawberry milk tea..?

Guy: No cannot.

Us: Whyy??

Guy: No matching!

Me: Whatttt? :(

Guy: Can have roasted with pudding but cannot have strawberry pudding, it's not matching.

Me: :(((

This was supremely confusing and SILLY. 

The queue had begun to grow behind us. 

What are they all gonna order - milk tea tak ada?!

How laaa….decision pressure!!

Me: Fine. Grass Jelly Roasted Milk Tea =.=

[generic example...]

And yet, for all our struggles, as soon as my friend and I moved out of the way, every other customer breezed through.

Like they knew everything on the menu.

As if no milk tea at the milk tea stand is not a problem. 

That's some Milk Tea mega-fans. 

The less I say about that, the better.

Monday, 22 October 2012

ATVs in the Jungle

Friend: Here, quick, just get on this one and do the test rounds. 

This is how I found myself climbing onto an ATV for the first time ever, about to start shooting a video. 

: /

Of course, I missed the "how-to" briefing because I was shooting something else.

Which to be fair, hadn't seemed important, as I wasn't planning on getting on the vehicle at any point.

Instructor: *mumble, vague hand gesture*

It was some kind of instruction for turning it on. 

Me: O.o?

Instructor: *louder mumble, repeated vague gesture*

I attempt to copy.

Me: O.O?

And fail horribly.

Instructor: =.= 

He puts my hand in the actual correct place. 

And repeat. 

At least 3 times for all the levers and buttons I was supposed to press.

Finally, the beast was alive. 

I was sent on my way with a wave of the hand - GO! Practice!

As I rounded the first corner and started bouncing rapidly down a hill, I was suddenly gripped by a deep and terrible panic.

I don't know how to stop. 



There are a lot of levers and buttons. 

And I don't know what they're for.

And my speed is increasing. 

And there are a lot of people watching.

OMG WHERE'S THE $@**^£@ BRAKE!?!?!?!


…this is what the briefing is for…

I praise God for simple reflexes and that a childhood spent on bicycles meant the first thing I grabbed for was, in fact, the brake. 


With the accelerator and the brake under control, it was time to shoot.

My friend put on the helmet cam and handed me the loose camera.

Friend: You need to get to the front so we can shoot them all coming up.

Me: >.O

This is a new face.

It means, brain agrees, and is trying to think about shots…but brain is a little distracted with new skill and trying to avoid death.

Anyway, it's too late - they've started driving.

And the very first part of the course is a ridiculous hill - ridiculous in its incline and the uneven-ness of its surface.

After almost flipping the beastly ATV backwards up the hill, losing a leg and knocking my head on a low-hanging bamboo, I reached the top.

Now his eyes were open.

Friend: Gimme that.

He took the loose camera and thrust the helmet-cam in my direction.

Much better idea.

[scarier than it looks. honestly.]

Monday, 15 October 2012

Real Life Slasher Movie

I've been very occupied recently with a new venture - theatre.

Writing was easy. 

Directing, less so.

I have two actors. 

One night in rehearsal we'd finished around 8pm.

So it was dark outside and we were the last people in the building.

We carried everything out of the rehearsal room.

I ask my actor,

Me: Eh, you're last out, switch off the light?

We dump everything in the staff room, lights off, lock up, and are about to leave.

He didn't turn out the light. 


We all look down the dark corridor.

Actor: We'll wait here. 

Me: No, you have to come!

I know how dark it gets. 

I'm not going alone. 

Together we go & switch out the last light. 

It's super dark. 

The college is like a maze of window-less corridors and the few windows there are let in the tiniest sliver of moonlight. 

It's creepy.

Actor: Oh…

Me: What?

Actor: I left my water bottle in the staff room…

Actress: Really?

Actor: Yeaaaah… 


We trapse back towards the staff room.

In silence.

It feels like we're all thinking the same thing, but no one wants to say it out loud.

Until, quietly, from behind my ear...

Actor: This is the part in the movie where someone gets killed…

Me: I know right?

I couldn't quite see his eyes.

Me: Eeee..!

I ran away a little, feeling like that might be his cue to stab me…


That's silly.

I rummaged in my bag for the staff room key. 

In the semi-darkness. 

Then I stepped forward, reaching blindly for the key hole. 

I push the key into the door…AND THE DOOR OPENS!! 



Actor: No, no, don't do that?!

Me: But-, I-, the door-!??!!?

Actor thinks I'm playing a cruel trick, steps forward, reaches into the staff room and switches on the light. 

Which reveals that I had, in fact, locked the door but that I hadn't closed it properly first.

So it was still open. 

[this is luther. we created him in rehearsals. now i bet you're wondering what the play is about, huh?]

I explained. 

Actor: Oh. I like how you thought someone was going to kill you…so you took one step backwards.


I was like….proper too scared to move. 

I hope no one does try to kill me cos I clearly won't do much about it…


**don't forget to come n catch Short + Sweet Theatre Week 1@KLPac, 17th-20th Oct ;) **

Tuesday, 9 October 2012


My housemate broke his nose in an Anime Fight. 


No, just kidding.

It was an MMA Fight. 

But they sound the same when yelped through a cheap sound-system, by an over-excited MC.

We ended up spending 6.5 hours in A&E.

And I didn't have a book.

So these are the things I was pondering:

1. Does it make any sense to not have a conveniently placed car park for the emergency room?

2. The sign promises that a non-emergency will be seen within 90 minutes. Getting your blood pressure checked and then being sent out to the waiting room does not count as "being seen". In my opinion.

3. Other peoples' blood is really disgusting. Glad I'm not a doctor.

4. There is an underage and overweight boy wandering around by himself. Who owns him? And why is he not wearing any trousers?

5. Some of these doctors look far too young...does that mean I'm getting old?

6. Why is there a password for the internet. I am SO BORED.


Wednesday, 3 October 2012

The Press Conference That Wasn't

My friend sent me an email the other day, inviting me to a press conference. 

It was with some Malaysian Youtube "Stars".

She couldn't go and as it was in my area and about my industry (video - yay!), she though of me.

Me: It's gonna be like a panel interview, I just listen and take notes?

Friend: I'm not sure, it could be like a press conference or you might get 1-on-1 time with them? There are over 75 bloggers invited so that might seem impossible.

Me: Ok!

This conversation was mere hours before it started. 

Very late notice. 

So off I went, bringing 2 blogging friends with me. 

We arrived, perfectly on time, at the venue.

Which was a restaurant.

That looked quiet and empty and nothing like a press conference…

Me: Hi, we're here for the press conference.

Waiter: ^.^? 

Me: Urrr….

Waiter: Do you have a reservation?

Me: Ummm...

OMG we're in the wrong place.

Waiter: There's a table reserved for "Yasmin" in the back, for 10 people. It could be that? 

Me: I don't think so...

Friend: Are you sure it's here?

OH NO, I've done it again.

Failed to accurately read information in emails. 

This should not become a habit.

Me: I'm sure it was here! Do you have internet on your phone??

Friend: Yes. 

Me: Okcheckmyemails! 

The email was from Yasmin. 

There you go, we do want the table in the back. 

Pause for thought: there's a table in the back of the restaurant reserved for 10 people. 

We walked through the restaurant. 

At the back section we found the "press conference". 

4 youtubers, 3 bloggers and a newspaper, sitting around a table. 



Welcome to my life. 

Unprepared for everything.

And yet...

Here's the semi-sensible blog post resulting from the press conference that wasn't a press conference.

[that was my actual expression.]