Kena Tipu!

Having lunch with some friends.

Friend: Wow, rm2000, it's a good deal.

My friend is looking for a laptop and that is exactly the budget. 

Found it on a local "marketplace" website.

Other Friend: What spec?

Friend: MacBook Pro, 13inch, 8GB ram, 200GB memory. i5, you know?

Me: How much is it normally, rm5000?

Other Friend: Yea. Just make sure it's working okay, wifi and everything... 

Friend: I'm gonna ask 1800. Hehehe. 

Me: So cheap. Why are they selling it?

Friend: They need the money.

Me: Urgh. I'm jealous. 

[hello, pretty thing]

Later we went to check it out at KLCC.

It was a crazy-kelam-kabut journey!

Rushing and exciting and calling everyone to re-arrange money.

Until halfway there, the girl selling it called and said she couldn't make it 'til later. 

Boring!

-------------

Much later, we set out again. 

Bit rushed 'cos the guy is waiting there already.

Bad co-ordination. 

It's the girl's cousin, who apparently, is a bit sombong. 

:S

Me: Why would you send your cousin?

Friend: Maybe she is selling it, but the laptop is with him. 

Me: Maybe. Or maybe she doesn't wanna meet strange guys. Cos she's a girl. 

Friend: Maybe. Don't know. 

We arrive.

Meeting strangers to buy stuff is a bit like going on a blind date:

MSG: "What are you wearing?"

HAHA.

My friend identifies himself as wearing a black t-shirt…

…and with mat salleh girl. 

=.=

A slightly sombong looking guy and his girlfriend(?) were waiting. 

We looked at the laptop. 

Seems fine. 

I couldn't really follow what happened next. 

Cos it was fast and in BM. 

Me: ?:)

This is my happily-confused face.

My friend keeps disappearing to make phone calls. 

I'm assuming to continue re-arranging money & get advice or whatever. 

Cue a lot of waiting - short BM convo - phone call - waiting - etc.  

Me: ?:)

After a while that guy is actually not sombong at all. 

Seems quite nice, showing all the features. 

Then we're all four just waiting. 

Me: ?:)

Finally, I ask. 

Me: So…what's happening?

Friend: I just transfer the money. Waiting for her to confirm. 

...Slightly nervous. 

Waiting. 

10 minutes pass.

Trying to call her.

Friend: She's not answering the phone. 

Me: O.o?

Laptop Guy: …?

Laptop guy tries to call her. 

Also doesn't pick up. 

My friend and laptop guy have a slightly tense conversation which ends like this;

Friend: :O

Me: ?:)

Friend: I've been conned. 

Me: What? 

Friend: Ya. 

Me: How?

Friend: Actually, he's not her cousin.

Me: …huh?

I don't know what that means.

Friend: :O

Me: O.O?

Friend: This trick is so brilliant… 

[gotcha!]

And this is what had happened:

Girl sees someone selling laptop online.

He was selling for rm2900. 

She re-promotes it for rm2000. 

Someone wants to buy. 

She arranges a meet-up with the original seller and the new buyer. 

But. 

She tells the seller - I want to buy but my friend is going to check everything is fine. If he says ok, I will transfer you the money then you can give it to him. Tell him you're my cousin because (…I missed this part, not sure how she managed to pull it off, but she did). 

She tells the buyer - My cousin has my laptop, tell him you're my friend or he'll put the price up. If the laptop looks ok, transfer the money to me and then I'll confirm with him and tell him to give you the laptop. 

Of course, halfway through this transaction - once she has the money - she stops picking up the phone and disappears. 

By creating enough subtle miscommunication and misinformation, nobody realises until it's too late. 

:'(

:'(

Off we went to the polis station. 

Online Lessons when Buying from Strangers:

1. Cash on delivery. Only!!

2. Always re-confirm the price before doing any transaction.

3. No cousin/brother/friend/bla bla bla!

4. If it sounds too good to be true…it probably is. 

Stay savvy, blog readers!

xxx

Clubbing with Spongebob

In my younger days I spent many a night dancing my socks off at parties.

I dreamt I would do it all my life.

Turns out I was wrong.

It has become quite a rare occasion that I get up off my comfy sofa to go to a club. 

But this weekend saw one such occasion - it was my friend's birthday. 

Friend: I've never had a club party! This is so awesome!

So off I went. 

In no particular order, these are the top five things that make me laugh in nightclubs:

1. People Falling Over

This happened at least three times. I laughed heartily on each occasion. 

2. The Awkward Breakdown 

When you listen to dance music there is always a spacey breakdown somewhere. If you're off your face on pills, these are probably the magical moments. For the rest of us…well, it's just a bit awkward. 

3. Unisex Toilets 

An unfortunate and rather French concept. How is a girl supposed to touch up her sweaty make up when the cute guy she's trying to impress is watching? On the plus side, boys have to queue for the toilet! Those are some entertaining faces. 

4. Seated Dancing

When people sit down and dance. What. What happened to your legs?

5. Drunk People

They can easily tip into very annoying and/or dangerous. 

But there's an entertaining level just before that. Witness:

I was standing, talking to my friends. 

A small Chinese boy came up to me. 

He draped his arm around my shoulders and leaned into my ear - in the way that's only vaguely acceptable in a club because the music is so loud.

Thing is, even if people are very weird, I'm just SO endlessly curious about what they might say.

So I waited for him to speak. 

But he didn't. 

I looked at him. 

He was paused, frozen in time, mouth open, about to speak. 

But he didn't speak. 

I waited. 

Looked at him again. 

I poked my friends & made, "what is he doing???" faces at them.

He's still not moving or speaking. 

It's like - he had an amazing game plan - but he chickened out of it.

Halfway through. 

:S

My friend kindly pulled him off me and did the fake boyfriend thing. 

Friend: Hey man, she's off limits. My mom likes her. 

Somehow the small boy had regained the power of speech and they had a brief and incomprehensible chat. 

Then he turned back to me.

Boy: Dia cakap, tak boleh.

Why are you speaking Malay?

Me: Yeah. It's true.

Boy: Tak boleh…

He took another long pause.

Reflective, this time, contemplating sadly.

Then he seemed to recover.

And in a very matter of fact tone, 

Boy: Spongebob. 

He walked off, shrugging his shoulders. 

Now that doesn't make sense in any language. 

Drunk Mimes

Still slacking from my London holiday.

Here's a story for ya:

I was happily sitting on the tube when a couple of drunk mimes got on. 

I didn't realise they were drunk, to begin with.

Although their heavily smudged face-paint and cans of beer were probably an early indication. 

[this plus alcohol.]

One of them broadcast his slurred plea to the carriage;

Drunk Mime 1: How to do we get to Euston?

This is the tube - no one talks.

Especially to strangers. 

So he was ignored. 

But I felt a bit bad seeing as they were not on the right train…

Me: You need to go the other way.

Drunk Mime 2: Oh. [to his friend] We're goin' the wrong way. 

Unfortunately, Drunk Mime 1 was already bored and playing with his phone. 

So they did nothing. 

We reached the next station. 

American Lady: [to me] They need to get off here. [to them] You need to get off here.

They looked around blankly. 

Drunk Mime 2: o.0

Me: This station - go over there [points to train in other direction] then change at Kings Cross.

They dither. 

Drunk Mime 2 gives a few shoves to his friend.

Who continues to ignore him. 

American Lady: It's now or never..!

In a sudden blur of motion, they rush towards the closing door. 

Then a loud, collective **GASP** from the whole tube carriage tells me something is wrong…

Because remember: tube-people don't speak. 

I looked over.

O.O

Mime stuck in the door!!

OMG.

Only one of them managed to get off and trying to bring his friend with him, got his ARM trapped in the door. 

Everyone stares, frozen, open mouthed. 

:O

Then the door opened! - mime pulls out hand - then it closes. 

Tube separation of drunk mimes?? 

: /

Door opens again - other mime jumps out! - then it closes. 

The muffled shouting of the jubilant and injured mimes travels through the walls of the train. 

And everyone falls about laughing. 

American Lady: I tried to help them earlier but they just made fun of me for being American… :S

London. 

:)

Doctor Rage

When you're too busy, falling sick is an appealing idea. 

A day in bed?

Yes please...

But then you actually get sick and it HURTS and it's incredibly BORING.

This happened last week. 

Sigh.

I suffered through work for 2 days, spread my germs around and then on day 3, collapsed in bed.

I had flu. 

(Actual flu, not just a cold.)

To top off a sucky day, I had to go see the doctor.

I just needed an MC. 

Flu doesn't require drugs, it just needs time. 

But I knew he was gonna sell me drugs. 

This really annoys me.

Me: I'm going to request no antibiotics. 

Friend: Why?

Me: Because they're expensive and they're not necessary. 

Friend: Why?

Me: Because I have flu. And flu is a virus. And antibiotics are for bacterial infections. 

Friend: No, flu isn't always a virus…

Me: Yes it is…

Friend: No, it can be anything.

Me: What?…it's a virus. 

We argued about this for a while and finally agreed that it's not good to take unnecessary antibiotics. 

The usual clinic was closed.

Which made me happy as I don't like that doctor. 

So we went to another and waited 30 minutes. 

Then I went into the consultation room….

O.O

Hot doctor!

Curses!

Here's another thing that really annoys me. 

When you're genuinely sick, you're too sick to get up and see the doctor. 

So you go later, when you're a bit better. 

But by then, you don't seem sick anymore and the doctor thinks your lying to get an MC.

=.=

So you have to make a special effort to look sick, even though you're improving. 

My inner monologue was a bit like this: Hot doctor! Oh wait, I'm sick. And deliberately unattractive. Sigh. Give up.

Hot doctor turned out to be a good doctor. 

And I trusted him to prescribe appropriate drugs. 

I left the room.

Friend: So did you ask for no antibiotics?

Me: Um…no. 

Friend: Why?

Me: I was distracted. I didn't ask any questions…

0.o

Then the nurse revealed my supplies:

Cough syrup

Drugs for "Pain"

Drugs for "Fever"

Antibiotics for God-only-knows-what.

RM40.

Huh?

Angry!

Betrayed by Hot Doctor!

I marched back into the consulting room. 

Me: Excuse me, hot doctor! Why have you prescribed me all this CRAP?? You know I don't need any of this, right??? Do you know that? You can gave me MC for ONE day and FOURTY BUCKS worth of drugs?? HOW CAN YOU CALL YOURSELF A DOCTORRR!!!!!

...Nah, I didn't really do that. 

But next time I will.

Because I have a great deal of disappointment and rage towards Hot Doctor for selling out like that.

I only took the cough syrup. 

And I got better by myself, in a few days. 

Hmph.

Make Up and Homelessness

I went to a Deepavali open house last week. 

Usually I'm quite lazy when it comes to make-up. 

But I was going with my friend who is QUEEN of make up. 

So figured I'd make an effort. 

I put on extra thick eyeliner. 

But it's just a simple open house, so no need for all the other drama-drama make-up. 

Right?

Arrived at my friends house & lay in bed while she got ready (it was far too early to be awake on a public holiday…). 

Friend: So…are you gonna wear make-up?

Me: I am wearing make up.

She turned and squinted at me. 

=.=

Friend: Come on la, eyeliner is not make up!!

Well…I…oh. Ok. 

///

A week before that I was at a wedding. 

2 days before the event I suddenly realised I was alone.

: /

Me: Hey - do you have a date?? Can I be your date??

Friend: I do have a date - but it's ok, I'll make him the third wheel for you!

Oh. 

Ok, I accept.

:)

And ooh, who is your date, we have not talked for too long?!

I asked her this question two days later when aforementioned guy disappeared to get drinks for us. 

Friend: [dreamily] Aw…

Me: So. How did you meet??

Friend: Volunteering at the soup kitchen. 

Me: :O

*collapses face down on the table. 

Friend: …I know, right?

Good looking AND cares about homeless people? Sigh…

///

So. 

New plan of action. 

Make up. 

And the soup kitchen. 

...Even as I write that, I realise this plan could go horribly wrong.

But I'm going to ignore that possibility for now.

;)

A Grand Saga

My friend has deserted me for Canada this month. 

I drove her to the airport. 

But of course, an airport drive is rarely without event. 

Especially when you check-in online.

(Never a good idea in my opinion.)

I arrived at her place at 5pm, with another friend. 

She'd just got in the shower. 

=.=

5:30pm - another friend arrived. 

5:45pm - bags in the car.

And finally, close to 6pm, we were on our way. 

Bearing in mind, baggage check-in closes at 7:25pm and boarding starts at 7:50pm.

And we live 1 hour from the airport. 

: /

Now my friend now announces that she has to go and pick up important documents for her thesis, from the nephew of her lecturer. 

0.o

But it's ok, it's just near her house.

Friend: Hi, are you there already? You don't know? What can you see? 

It quickly transpired that this boy didn't know our town at all and was on the other side of it.

=.=

Friend: Ok, you drive towards us, we'll drive towards you and meet in the middle, ok?

10 minutes later. 

Friend: Ok, where are you now? A big Maybank?

Other friend: *shrugs*

Friend: Some more? ...Beach cafe?

Other friend: What? Beach cafe?! That's where he was meant to be the first time - that's back near your house!

Friend: Whaaaat?

Me: @.@

A tense moment.

I u-turned and we headed back across town. 

10 more minutes.

Friend: What car are you driving? Saga? Ok bye.

Other friend: Number?

Me: Colour?

Friend: Oh…this boy… :s

Too distracted. 

We DASH through the traffic to finally meet him at a petrol station.

Other Friend 2: There! Saga!

New, shiny, red Saga.

Other friend: I wonder what he looks like…

Friend: Ok, drive really close so Other Friend 2 can just take the papers and throw this through the window.

(She'd brought him a token chocolate bar).

I cruised up, stopping right next to the car. 

[saga]

The next part was in SLO-MO…

Other friend 2 drops her finger to the "open window" button. 

We turn to peer into the car.

He's facing the other way.

But something's wrong…

…he looks older and fatter than he sounded…

…and…

...there's someone else in the car with him…

…wearing tudung?

The man turns…

All: IT'S AN UNCLE!!!

We all scream!

Other Friend 2 PULLS her hand dramatically away from the window.

Other Friend 2: OH MY GOODNESSSS! Look what you almost made me dooo!!

Friend: Oh nooooo, where is he?!

Other Friend: There! Old saga!

Sure enough, other side of the car is an old, silver saga. 

[old saga]

Out jumps a small boy.  

Phew. 

Documents & chocolate exchanged. 

Rally driving to the airport. 

Miraculously, we made it. 

Cun. 

Polite English-Ness

Driving home and stuck in a small traffic jam.

Suddenly I felt the unfortunately familiar; 

THUD & JOLT

of a collision. 

=.=

Although this time it wasn't my fault. 

Someone hit the back of my car.

My instant reaction was weariness at the though of having to deal with fixing it. 

And then I wasn't really sure what to do. 

I was on the highway, I didn't wanna get car-jacked…

[word]

…but then…

I probably should go assess the damage.

The guy also got out of his car to see. 

Guy: Sorry, ah.

I reached the back and took a look. 

Guy: Ok, ah?

Yes!

It was ok. 

Not even a scratch. 

Me: Ya it's fine. Ok. Nothing there.

Guy: Ok, so sorry ah, sorry. 

Me: Ok. 

I turn to get back into my car. 

Guy: Ah…where you from?

WHAT?

This is not the time??

You just hit my car! And now the traffic ahead is moving! We are not making friends here?!

But, in moments of disbelief, Mat Salleh Keliru cannot override English politeness.

And before I could stop myself, with a 100% blur face as I ran back to my door,

Me: England.

=.=