In my younger days I spent many a night dancing my socks off at parties.
I dreamt I would do it all my life.
Turns out I was wrong.
It has become quite a rare occasion that I get up off my comfy sofa to go to a club.
But this weekend saw one such occasion - it was my friend's birthday.
Friend: I've never had a club party! This is so awesome!
So off I went.
In no particular order, these are the top five things that make me laugh in nightclubs:
1. People Falling Over
This happened at least three times. I laughed heartily on each occasion.
2. The Awkward Breakdown
When you listen to dance music there is always a spacey breakdown somewhere. If you're off your face on pills, these are probably the magical moments. For the rest of us…well, it's just a bit awkward.
3. Unisex Toilets
An unfortunate and rather French concept. How is a girl supposed to touch up her sweaty make up when the cute guy she's trying to impress is watching? On the plus side, boys have to queue for the toilet! Those are some entertaining faces.
4. Seated Dancing
When people sit down and dance. What. What happened to your legs?
5. Drunk People
They can easily tip into very annoying and/or dangerous.
But there's an entertaining level just before that. Witness:
I was standing, talking to my friends.
A small Chinese boy came up to me.
He draped his arm around my shoulders and leaned into my ear - in the way that's only vaguely acceptable in a club because the music is so loud.
Thing is, even if people are very weird, I'm just SO endlessly curious about what they might say.
So I waited for him to speak.
But he didn't.
I looked at him.
He was paused, frozen in time, mouth open, about to speak.
But he didn't speak.
Looked at him again.
I poked my friends & made, "what is he doing???" faces at them.
He's still not moving or speaking.
It's like - he had an amazing game plan - but he chickened out of it.
My friend kindly pulled him off me and did the fake boyfriend thing.
Friend: Hey man, she's off limits. My mom likes her.
Somehow the small boy had regained the power of speech and they had a brief and incomprehensible chat.
Then he turned back to me.
Boy: Dia cakap, tak boleh.
Why are you speaking Malay?
Me: Yeah. It's true.
Boy: Tak boleh…
He took another long pause.
Reflective, this time, contemplating sadly.
Then he seemed to recover.
And in a very matter of fact tone,
He walked off, shrugging his shoulders.
Now that doesn't make sense in any language.