Monday, 3 October 2011

Muff Jets

It's time to talk about muff jets.  

You know the hose pipe things that you have next to the toilet? 


Well, I don't know the proper name but I've always found "muff jets" to be a rather obvious description.

Anyway, I'd never seen them before I came to Malaysia. 

At first I thought…what is that? What on earth do you use it for, and...why?


[standard muff jet, not the one from the story.]

Two years later, even though I actually don't use them so much, I like them. Especially at home, they're a good remedy for hot, dirty feet!


They can be rather hazardous. 

I've had a number of watery incidents with unpredictable muff jets, but I had the strangest one a few days ago.

I was in a restaurant and went to use the bathroom. It was a really small room, narrower than your standard cubicle. 

I used the toilet.


Then as I stood up, suddenly there was the sound of rushing water. 

I panicked a bit, like, that was something to do with me?! What was it?? Where's the water?? What's happening? Because I couldn't see anything unusual...

And then I noticed my foot was wet. Really wet. 


Look to the floor.

Confirmed: water!

But from where?!

I looked up. 

And I saw...

Because of the tiny, tiny room, I'd knocked the muff jet handle onto full power! 

Normally the muff jet is loose on the floor (so when you turn it on it flies wildly, like a snake. Yes, this has happened before =.= ), but this time it was still sitting securely in its holder...

…pointing upwards. And so the full-power jet of water was shooting up the wall, to the ceiling! Like a fountain!

I was locked inside a tiny room with a fountain of my own creation!!

It was very strange.

By this time however, the laws of gravity had kicked in and as the fountain reached its full height, it was now raining down upon me…cue frantic little hops, back and forth, trying simultaneously to stay out of the fountain and also to reach in and turn it off. 

I succeeded.

Breathe out. 

And remarkably, I managed to stay rather dry, aside from my feet and a few splashes on my t-shirt…no one said anything, I think I got away with it… 


  1. Haha, "muff jet" LOLS! Well, that's not so bad. Wanna hear my worse experience with a muff jet? No? I'll tell you anyway.

    For some reason I had gotten the direction of the muff jet mixed up. So instead of having the muff jet pointed at... *ahem*, I had it pointed the opposite direction... towards my pants. So when I turned the water on, I drenched my pants... from crotch to leg.

    Yes, this was at a public toilet.

    Yes, in a shopping mall.

    Yes, I wanted to die.

  2. Epic lulz.

    Penny for every time I've had a major water park splash related problem.

    Seriously, I'd have like 8 bucks.


  3. Wow Lisa, hahahaha, that's terrible :(

    But easily done!

    Doc, I'm sure you could spare us a story..? This is a safe place... :P

  4. Cikgu Claire, that thing is called a "hand bidet"... The Malays (read: Muslims) use it to wash the private parts after the "dumping" job... It's a Muslim thing, to wash after peeing/dumping... AIA

  5. hi Anon, not sure if u gonna read this. actually it is not really a Muslim thing. It is a Malay thing altho Islam promotes cleanliness in daily life. U see, u may use clothes, tissue(like some), sandpaper or anything with coarse surface, like dry leaves or stones except for bones(genie's food) and food. as long as u clean ur part. use 3 diff leaves, 3 diff stones till u r clean!

    So, yeah, it's a Malay thing and Malay doesnt necessarily potray Islam. Some are just their preferences and culture.