Wednesday, 23 November 2011

Muff Jets. Part 2.


This is the sequel to Muff Jets

You think it can't get worse?

It can always get worse. 


Again, I was out for dinner and after lots of coke, it was time to use the facilities. 

There was only one toilet. 

And it was a squatty. 

Though I have to say, I don't mind them so much. 

They are arguably cleaner than the regular ones.

Especially if an auntie has just come and squatted her muddy feet on the seat. 


But I have observed one thing - I can't squat in the simple, effortless way that seems inherent to Asians. 

[seriously. how?]

Asians (as a general rule) can just squat down and your feet are flat to the ground and you're perfectly balanced. I see it all the time, it's like a comfortable thing. 

My legs don't work that way. 

They're like…wrongly proportioned or something. 

My feet will not sit flat and I can't balance?!

It's a seriously study-able phenomenon.


Anyway, so my solution is to hold onto something.

In this case I leaned slightly forward to rest my arm on the muff jet tap. 

Which was clearly not a good idea, but that didn't occur to me at the time. 

Instantly I heard that dreaded sound again - extreme, rushing water.

And as before, I panicked!!


WATER spitting all over the room!

Me getting wet!!


Can't see!! I didn't touch any handle?!?


Tak tauuuuu?!?!?!?!

By this point, unlike before, I was wet. 

My feet, my shirt, my hair…not cool. 

Why, you ask?

Squatting is rather disabling for a quick exit. 

Especially in jeans.

At last I realised that as I had leaned forward, arm on muff jet, it had turned on. Twisting forwards = on. So once again, I had unwillingly created a fountain.

Only this time I couldn't escape so fast and didn't figure out the turning off very quickly. 


It took a seriously strategic exit plan - think handbags and swift turns -  to leave without anyone seeing the wet patches this time. 


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