This is the sequel to Muff Jets.
You think it can't get worse?
It can always get worse.
Again, I was out for dinner and after lots of coke, it was time to use the facilities.
There was only one toilet.
And it was a squatty.
Though I have to say, I don't mind them so much.
They are arguably cleaner than the regular ones.
Especially if an auntie has just come and squatted her muddy feet on the seat.
But I have observed one thing - I can't squat in the simple, effortless way that seems inherent to Asians.
Asians (as a general rule) can just squat down and your feet are flat to the ground and you're perfectly balanced. I see it all the time, it's like a comfortable thing.
My legs don't work that way.
They're like…wrongly proportioned or something.
My feet will not sit flat and I can't balance?!
It's a seriously study-able phenomenon.
Anyway, so my solution is to hold onto something.
In this case I leaned slightly forward to rest my arm on the muff jet tap.
Which was clearly not a good idea, but that didn't occur to me at the time.
Instantly I heard that dreaded sound again - extreme, rushing water.
And as before, I panicked!!
WHAT IS THAT???
WATER spitting all over the room!
Me getting wet!!
Can't see!! I didn't touch any handle?!?
HOW TO STOP???
By this point, unlike before, I was wet.
My feet, my shirt, my hair…not cool.
Why, you ask?
Squatting is rather disabling for a quick exit.
Especially in jeans.
At last I realised that as I had leaned forward, arm on muff jet, it had turned on. Twisting forwards = on. So once again, I had unwillingly created a fountain.
Only this time I couldn't escape so fast and didn't figure out the turning off very quickly.
It took a seriously strategic exit plan - think handbags and swift turns - to leave without anyone seeing the wet patches this time.