Walking to Malaysia

It was a simple enough task. 

Upon exiting the Woodlands checkpoint in Singapore, get on the bus (which we had used to arrive just hours earlier) and take the 15 minute drive to the Malaysian checkpoint in Johor Bahru. 

It was 11pm.

So we exited.  

There was a waiting bay for mini-buses. 

And there were signs for Coaches & JB pointing straight ahead. 

So we followed the signs.

Down some stairs. 

Into a creepy, dark alley. 

Me: O.O

Friend: See, this is how Singapore treats Malaysia…

I was genuinely waiting for a man with a knife to jump out.

But he didn't. 

We came out of the creepy tunnel, alive.

No bus stop. 

Just Causeway. 

Us: :S

We looked back - perhaps because it was so much brighter on that side, looking down there it was pitch black.  

The creepy tunnel was no longer creepy tunnel but DEATH tunnel. 

Any sensible girl - no, any person - would steer WELL clear of that. 

Friend: Maybe the bus stop is a bit further on?

We stood…unsure. 

And a bit lazy. 

Looked back into the tunnel. 

And there emerged a boy, about 18, his white polo shirt glowing out of the darkness. 

He walked past us, really fast, and onto the Causeway. 

Hmm.

Friend: Lets go and see..?

Me: Ok.

There's a pavement. 

We follow it, and the boy, around the corner and see the few km of road stretching ahead, cars, bikes and buses rushing past in both directions. 

No sign of a bus stop. 

But we're still walking...

Me: So…are we walking to JB?

Friend: :|

Me: :|

HAHAHAHHAHAHA!

That is exactly what is happening.

We just kept walking. 

Cos there was a pavement AND a boy, so it must be fine. 

And what fun?! 

Who knew you could do this?

We found the "0" marker - exactly on the border!!

Wah. So cool. 

[Singapore behind me, Malaysia ahead...]

So it was all quite jolly until the last 1km. 

When suddenly the pavement stopped. 

There was a big wire fence and there was road. 

Me: :O

Friend: :O

Me: But the boy? How did..? Where..?

Suddenly realising we lost him after taking all our photos, perhaps we should have followed him more closely.

: /

Now imagine - if we were unwilling to turn back at the edge of the tunnel, how about now - walking so many km AND the tunnel??

We looked up and down the Causeway for a while, helpless. 

Friend: The edge of the bike lane. Let's go. 

Me: :|

This part was not so much fun. 

But we managed not to get hit by anyone.

And at last, we reached the glorious, glorious immigration building.

Safety!

Me: How normal do you think this is, on a scale of 1 to 10?

Friend: Um, minus 5??

Me: Oh...

We walked past a room with a polis man sitting inside, who watched us walk by. 

Kept going, looking for someone to tell us what to do next, I suppose. 

From above we heard shouting. 

It was two polis men on a balcony, gesturing behind us. 

We turned. 

The sitting polis man had stepped out of his room and was standing with his hands on his hips, his face a curious mix of rage and wonder.

Delayed reaction.

Polis: Where you're going??

Me: Um…Malaysia?

Polis: Hah?!

Obviously, right...

Me: : /

Hahaha…

At this point he turned his rage from the obviously clueless mat salleh to my Malaysian friend, shooting a tirade of questions at her in Malay, including things like, what are you doing? How did you get here? You cannot simply walk into Malaysia! How about your passport? Where are you going to get a chop? Enter Malaysia without chop then you are entering illegally, what are you doing????

The best part was when, although she was answering FANTASTICALLY about our useless innocence and naivety, he still looked mad.

Me: Tell him about the boy!

Friend: Ah! Ada orang lain, dia pun jalan! Kita ikut dia. 

Polis: Di mana sekarang dia?

Friend: Er…saya tak tau. Dia hilang. 

Polis: Hilang?!?

Bahaha!

Quickly change the subject.

Eventually he realised we were just silly and told us we couldn't use the bike entry lane but we had to go back and use the car entry lane. 

Which doesn't really make any sense. 

So we had to walk a few hundred meters the WRONG way down the bike lane, which was by far the most dangerous part of the journey.

=.=

Then another polis officer saw us, asked us very similar questions, looked equally confused, but then moved barriers and stopped cars to allow us safely into the building.

He pointed us up some stairs where we joined all the bus passengers who'd just (happily) got off their buses. 

Not really a big deal then, what?

That's all we were looking for - it's not as if we were TRYING to walk into Malaysia without a stamp. 

Because if we wanted to do that, we could have easily jumped into the sea or climbed over the wire fence…

Anyway.

So we got our passports stamped and there we were. 

Safely and legally back in Malaysia. 

:)

Being British in Indo

Just went to Bali & met up with my friend from UK.

We travelled all over and there are many stories coming your way. 

But first, Ubud. 

In Ubud the number one you-must-do is to watch a traditional Balinese dance. 

So we went. 

Despite its name, "the Palace" is a just little, open air stage.

And when I say stage I mean 10cm tall platform, surrounded by 1m of carpet, then 5 or 6 rows of plastic chairs along 3 sides.

We arrive about 30 minutes early, to get a good seat. 

We're not the first. 

So we sit and wait. 

The place fills  up. 

Not long till it starts.

When suddenly...

Two inexplicably bold audience members squeeze their way past the chairs and sit on the floor in the middle of the carpet, in front of the stage. 

:O

Me: What is this.

Friend: They're not gonna stay there?

Me: Isn't that part of the stage?

Friend: I hope no one else thinks that's ok…

But they do. 

And couple by couple, there slowly grows a whole row of sitting people.

Friend: OMG. Someone tell them to move… 

[grr]

And someone does. 

The old auntie selling bottles of water and bintang. 

Except…she doesn't shoo them away. 

She forces them to shuffle forward!!

So their feet are actually touching the "stage".

Friend: :O

Me: :O

Friend: What's the point of coming early if people can just do that??

We notice to the side, there's an older gentleman standing up. 

He has his arms folded and is staring aggressively at the line of keen beans.

Friend: [whispering] Go on, say something. 

But he doesn't.

Me: You should say something. Go on, they're ruining everyone's pictures. 

Haha. 

Ever the encourager ;)

Friend: Reporting to an official is more my style… 

Just then, another man goes down to join them, bringing with him a massive DSLR with an even more massive flash attached to it. 

Friend: Right. 

She shuffles importantly off into the night. 

And comes back looking disappointed. 

She describes the scenario:

Friend: Excuse me, there's people sitting right at the front…

Official: [excitedly] Yes! You can go and sit there too!!

=.=

#welcometobali

#sorryforbeingbritish

Proton Wira VS. Toyota Camry

Well there's no contest, is there?

You all know how this ends. 

And I'm driving the Wira. 

=.=

Short version of the story is that I drove into the back of a Camry. 

I won't go into the details but it wasn't entirely my fault. 

Maybe 40% my fault…

: /

These are the injuries suffered by the Camry:

[minimal]

It's not even dented. 

Just scratched.  

Here's my Proton:

[destroyed]

As though I smashed head first into a TRUCK.

=.=

No injuries.

But clearly I can't pay for that, hello insurance. 

Off to the polis station (a very pleasant experience, in comparison to all my "polis on the streets" dramas).

Thank you, Kajang Polis.

Then farewell to my little car on the back of a tow truck. 

[sobbbb...]

A few days later I went back to pay my summons and pick up my copy of the report to take to the workshop.

Me: Hi, I've come to pay my summons… :(

Polis: Wait for a while ah, it's not in the system yet. 

Wow…I bet that never happens!

I should get a discount for paying so promptly. 

Didn't. 

Picked up my report. 

Went to the workshop. 

Me: Hi, I've come to give you my polis report...

Lady: Oh…I think I already have it. 

That's not possible. 

I just picked it up. 

Lady: Ya, I have it, here. 

She shows it to me. 

Huh?

Lady: Just a while ago, ah, you know Mohd Nor. He pass it to me. 

Me: …huh? Who?

Lady: Your friend?

Me: O.o?

Lady: Mohd Nor…Malay man..?

Me: I don't know who that is.

Friend: Issit the guy who gave you his business card?

Tow truck uncle!

Me: OoooOoooh. Is that normal? Why would he do that? How did he do that..?

And also, why not tell me la, save my RM4 and trip to the workshop.

Still. 

That's nice. 

:)

Chicken, Eggs & The Polis

I was having a work-at-home-day. 

About 4pm I was hungry & going crazy from the lock-in. 

Decided to go buy eggs. 

You can make anything with eggs.

[amazing eggs]

As I was driving I suddenly had the brilliant idea to buy taiwan fried chicken. 

Which meant a change of direction and going -slightly- out of my taman. 

Polis Road Block. 

[curse you, delicious chicken]

They stop me. 

*winds down window*

Polis: License

I had over my visa-card. 

Polis: Where are you from?

Me: England

Polis: How long have you been here?

Me: 3 years

Polis: Student?

Me: No, working. 

Polis: Where?

Me: In a college...

Polis: Married?

=.=

Me: No.

He smiles. 

And sends me over to the side for more questions. 

Here we go. 

...

Another polis officer comes over. 

He asks me all the same questions then asks for my license. 

I give it to him. 

Polis 2: Why you don't have local license?

Omg, are you serious.

JPJ is such a mess. 

Polis 2: This you can only use for three months in Malaysia. 

Me: Ya I know. I went to UK in January. So it's only been 2 months. 

Polis 3: So how?

Me: What?

Polis 3: Ya, it's your fault.

Me: What's my fault? I didn't do anything wrong. 

??

After a while he gives up on the bribe-attempt and gets someone else to have a go. 

Another officer comes over and has a very similar conversation, this time including, where is your passport and where are you going - passport at home, going to buy eggs.

Then he also gives up. 

And my original polis officer comes over. 

Me: Tolong, I nak beli telur, sahaja…

Polis: You can speak Malay?

He doesn't really care about my eggs. 

He wants to ask me the same questions as everyone else. 

But then he has an idea.

Polis: Where is your boyfriend? He's Malay or English? 

Me: I don't have...

He smiles.

Polis: Ok, this time I just give you warning, ah? Because we are friends. I want to learn English, nak belajar, ah. My English not very good.

Yay, time to go!

Me: No, it's ok already :)

Polis: I want to learn - you can teach me?

Come on, give me back my license.

Me: Haha, ya, boleh...

Polis: So where is your number?

=.=

Me: I can't give you my number…

He looks pissed and walks off. 

WHAT. 

No fair!!

Back comes serious-looking Mr. Polis 2. 

Polis 2: I need to see your passport. 

Me: o.o? Really?

Polis 2: Yes. You can U-turn here, then come back. 

O.o

Me: Really? You need to see my passport?

Polis 2: Yes. How do I know, you've been here 2 years or two months?

Me: I have to come all the way back up, through this traffic?

The massive traffic jam that their unnecessary road block has created. 

Polis 2: Yes. 

Me: Ok. Can. But it will take me half an hour or an hour to get back here. With all that traffic.

Polis 2: Ok.

So annoyed. 

Me: Can I go and get my eggs first?

Polis 2: Ok. 

Me: Ok. 

Polis: Coming back, ah.

Me: Ya, ok…

I leave. 

I'm not coming back. 

I call my lawyer friend to make sure this is a good decision. 

Friend: Did they write anything down?

Me: No.

Friend: Did they take any pictures?

Me: No. 

Friend: Then don't go back la! Nothing to worry about. If you go, definitely they will try to get something from you. 

HAH. 

Do your jobs laaaa, polis, stop simply harassing!!!!!!!

Pervs.

The she added,

Friend: Hey, so how can we make you look less white..?

Me: Hahahahahahahahaha!!! Ya man, I had sunglasses, shorts…habis, la.  

Grrr….

Polite English-Ness

Driving home and stuck in a small traffic jam.

Suddenly I felt the unfortunately familiar; 

THUD & JOLT

of a collision. 

=.=

Although this time it wasn't my fault. 

Someone hit the back of my car.

My instant reaction was weariness at the though of having to deal with fixing it. 

And then I wasn't really sure what to do. 

I was on the highway, I didn't wanna get car-jacked…

[word]

…but then…

I probably should go assess the damage.

The guy also got out of his car to see. 

Guy: Sorry, ah.

I reached the back and took a look. 

Guy: Ok, ah?

Yes!

It was ok. 

Not even a scratch. 

Me: Ya it's fine. Ok. Nothing there.

Guy: Ok, so sorry ah, sorry. 

Me: Ok. 

I turn to get back into my car. 

Guy: Ah…where you from?

WHAT?

This is not the time??

You just hit my car! And now the traffic ahead is moving! We are not making friends here?!

But, in moments of disbelief, Mat Salleh Keliru cannot override English politeness.

And before I could stop myself, with a 100% blur face as I ran back to my door,

Me: England.

=.=

Girls and Cars

If you're stuck in traffic for a long time, it's really best not to be the car directly in front or behind me. 

A few days ago, after 2 hours crawling along a road that should take 20 minutes to fly down, I gently rolled into the back of the car in front. 

We were on a hill.

I could've sworn my brake didn't work…but then it kinda was working…so…I figured it was probably just me. 

With a dead leg and a FUZZY traffic brain.  

A 100%  KL gangster got out of the car.

He looked understandably annoyed.

: /

Although miraculously I only caused a small paint scratch and he decided not to kill me. 

[a sunset while I waited...]

I later realised that I actually did have a worrying problem with my brakes. 

And a big, fat, bent out of shape bonnet. 

=.=

To the workshop!

Me: OMG, there's something wrong with my brakes. I'm so worried. I don't know what it is but when you press it there's like…no power… :S

Mechanic: Hmm.

He pops open the bonnet. 

Mechanic: Hows your brake fluid?

Me: Um… O.O?

He unscrews the lid of the brake fluid-container and looks inside. 

Mechanic: Empty. 

Me: Oh.

Mechanic: I'll fill up for you.

Me: Right…good...

How to Avoid a Smash n Grab

We all have that mentality that bad things won't happen to us. 

Even though fb is full of crime stories & it's all that anyone seems to talk about. 

Well today was my wake up call. 

I was driving to work, it was 8:45am.

As usual I was stuck in traffic, waiting at a red light (in Sungai Long, just before the highway).

My laptop and handbag on the passenger seat. 

And suddenly through my daydreams came a sound that wasn't right, that wasn't normal. 

I turned to see my passenger window shattered into tiny pieces - but glued in place by the tinting film - and the steely, emotionless face of the guy who was still sitting there, on the back of a bike, looking at me, at my belongings and hammering steadily at the window. 

:(

Crimes like this happen so fast and yet so slowly. 

I sat there for the longest time and all I could think was - "someone's breaking into my car".

I can't do anything. 

My car is stuck in traffic. 

I don't have any weapons…realistically, what can I do?

I have no control. 

Then suddenly the slo-mo stopped and I grabbed by stuff and started honking my horn and screaming. 

You know that movie screams aren't real, right?

If you've ever been genuinely afraid, you'll know what I mean. 

It's not a scream. It's more like a roar, a deep throaty, angry roar. 

I hope you never have to hear that sound. 

And then they were gone - there was a driver and a smasher. 

They biked away and that was that. 

My window was left hanging, half attached, tiny pieces of window scattered on the floor. 

I called up my friend.

Friend: *sleepy mumbles*

Me: Oh…oh ya, I forgot you'd be sleeping. Sorry. But. Someonejusttriedtosmashmywindow, somonejustsmashedmywindow, Idon'tkwowwhattodo!

Friend: Ok, relax, are you ok?

And really, I was. 

It was &$£!?@% scary. 

But I thank God that;

a) I had my windows tinted with safety film.

b) It was daylight and they only wanted my laptop.

c) They didn't have weapons. 

I kept driving to work cos I didn't want to stop by the roadside after that...

My window was flapping in the breeze at bit, so I tore it down.

:((

And everyone who passed looked at me like…crime victim. 

Urgh. 

So now I have to fix my window. 

And follow my own, new safety rules;

a) Hide your bags. 

It's so obvious and I DO do that sometimes. But nothing happens so I get lazy. Now I will not be lazy. 

b) Memorise phone numbers!

What if they had taken my bag? I can't call anyone 'cos I don't remember anyone's number!

c) Find a Weapon…

That sounds a bit radical, hahaha, but I mean, if I at least had an umbrella by my seat…

d) Get darker tinting. 

I chose a very light tint. Maybe it looks like it wasn't tinted so that's why they tried. I'll get a darker one next time. And spend on a good one! Honestly, if it wasn't tinted, 100% they would have taken my bag and gone before I even realised what happened.

STAY SAFE, BLOG READERS!!!

xx

How to Avoid a Summons

I got busted again. 

Polis: You are not allowed to drive in the emergency lane. I will write you summons, ok?

Aww man. What to do? 

Me: Ok. 

I was just skipping some KL traffic because I'm not going to KL!!! 

Although this is perhaps not a legitimate excuse for breaking traffic rules...

Polis: Ok, ah?

Me: [shrugs] I guess so. 

I know what's coming. I'm not gonna do it. 

Polis: Tell me, how can I help you?

Me: =.=

Polis: Ah?

Me: I don't know. I broke the rule, I have to pay. It's ok. 

Polis: 300 ringgit, you know? You will have one week to pay. Ok?

Me: :)

C'est la vie. 

He starts to copy down the info on my driving licence. 

Then stops.

Polis: Ahh…I don't want to summon you. 

Me: :))

Polis: How, ah? I don't want to give you summons.

Ok! Don't give!

:))

I know you want some dollar in your pocket but that's not how I roll, maaan.

Although I don't wanna pay rm300 either. 

Sigh...

[not my car. or my polis friend...]

A pause. 

Then suddenly;

Polis: Sudah kawin?

Me: O.O?

Polis: You speak BM?

Me: Sikit lah.

Polis: You, married?

I understood the first time! Hence the face! 

How to reply? 

What are the pros and cons of truth and lies in this situation??

I have been in a similar situation before!

Me: No... 

Polis: Ahh, belum kawin, I don't want to give you summon…

Me: :))

Polis: Ok ah. Don't use emergency lane again, ok?

Me: Okthankyou! :D

Drives away!!!

But…keliru sikit - is not being married really so pitiful that I deserve not to get a summons?

:S